Coded

I really am tired really. Very very tired and I can't even rest well. So I'm using more and more of my reserves without being able to replenish them. This lasted a few years last time... I think 3 years. Then I just ran out of willpower. Still haven't got what I have last time. My will.

Well, no one I know would guess that I actually changed in the sense of will. That's because I seem as "can't be bothered about anything" as I ever was. There is a lot of difference to me though. I don't exert my will by being pushy and demand things. I usually keep quiet and end up getting my life where I want it to be. When I'm pushy that means I'm frustrated. I can't get things done even after so much effort and it just drives me crazy.

I'm trying to collect myself though. Want to rest actually. Really rest.. Want to regain my quiet will. Then I won't need to be frustrated anymore. I would be able to do things quietly as I very much prefer.