Treatment of Self

Learning to heal is learning to improve and augment yourself. It doesn't necessarily mean you perfect yourself as some of the better healers I know are flawed as individuals. They are only powerful in their healing element.

These people that I speak of are not trained healers one and all. Some are individuals who never had any basic training or exposure whatsoever. I've learned to identify their healing presence as I'm progressing along this path. Some I haven't even seen in years but I still could put the puzzle pieces together.

What I notice is that with some healers, the more powerful their healing presence the more flawed their character is. The flaws may not be obvious but when I'm actually listening and watching I see them. Maybe it is the flaws that allow these people to develop healing skills whether they realise it or not. Healing the self for a long long while and later starting to heal people around them.

One of my own flaws is that I shift between a contemplative thinking state into a dynamic action oriented but unthinking state. Well, medical psychology calls it a bipolar disorder. I'm trying to apply the latest learning I acquired. Try to establish a stable third state between the two polars. I've managed to establish a platform after all this while but it does have the tendency to fold on itself and when that happens I just drop or shoot up. More of the latter as I seem to operate at a high frequency nowadays. Well, there's also some info on that particular issue.

Am taking time off this weekend. Meet a few old friends and talk to them. No business at all just plain simple talking. I even decided to mail some business related slides later to one of them rather than bringing it with me.

Oh well, slight technical issues again over here. The SE Asia - US link problem is becoming a drag...

Steinburner

I don't know where I got that name. I think from The simpsons or something.
Anyway been trying my best to deepen my knowledge on EFT, that's Emotional Freedom Technique for anyone wondering.

Need some more ideas to get a breakthrough on some of my tougher issues. There's also the fact that my clients seem to keep coming up with more complicated and deeper issues every session. Well I do have the option of going to any of the other EFT practitioners in Malaysia and getting a few sessions done to clear up my tougher blocks. I'll keep that in mind because I really hate running around in in circles.

Well, a free weekend this time. In fact it's been a slow year so far. It does mean I don't earn anything but it also means I've time to relax and indulge in my hobbies. Thankfully I have the habit of keeping some money in a spare account especially when I get some bonuses so am not exactly strapped for cash right now. In fact I splurged on a few things this month and I even got my car fixed up a bit. So I'm doing okay money-wise.

Am trying to clear my older blocks right now because I know some of them involve my aversion to any static form and structure. It's really difficult planning anything much less sustain a regular EFT practice when I actually start everyday with more ideas in my mind. Though it's nice having a ceaseless mind working to improve my what I already planned out it's actually very taxing because the actual work and maintainance of my plans are lacking. I work odd hours now and only take clients through appointments.

Well, that reminds me to lay out plans for this one particular idea. Plans that I will implement as soon as they're laid out properly. Not complete, just laid out. I'm trying an offset parallel plan + action this time. 20% lead in planning to make sure I'm on top of my ideas and not the other way round.

Coded

I really am tired really. Very very tired and I can't even rest well. So I'm using more and more of my reserves without being able to replenish them. This lasted a few years last time... I think 3 years. Then I just ran out of willpower. Still haven't got what I have last time. My will.

Well, no one I know would guess that I actually changed in the sense of will. That's because I seem as "can't be bothered about anything" as I ever was. There is a lot of difference to me though. I don't exert my will by being pushy and demand things. I usually keep quiet and end up getting my life where I want it to be. When I'm pushy that means I'm frustrated. I can't get things done even after so much effort and it just drives me crazy.

I'm trying to collect myself though. Want to rest actually. Really rest.. Want to regain my quiet will. Then I won't need to be frustrated anymore. I would be able to do things quietly as I very much prefer.

Torment

A journey to find one's own self. Even one's own name is forgotten. Each word heard, each action taken are new and a mirror of the past. The past selves, each seemingly his own self, each seemingly with his own aim. Each one left a mark. Mark of greatest good to the greatest madness one could imagine. All leaving a scar behind.

To learn the story behind the scars. To understand what is my own being. To find my own path among the many facets of self that has used this body and mind. What may I learn and what may I become. What are my limits and what are my powers. What have I done and what will be my future.

What is my name?

-The Nameless One-

Tail end

Checked out my mom's blog and I read noticed the link to my blog on the side panel. It says Hilmi Tail End. Sounded a bit weird and to me it stood out amongst the links my mom put up. The other family links either had a name and something that sounds like a musing or it had a simple description. Actually mine read like a description though it seemed like a strange one.

I actually chose Tail End as my blog title on a whim. There's this cat tail picture which someone snapped and I took a liking to it. Ended up putting tail end just coz I decided to put the tail pic on my profile. It was that simple.

After seeing the link in my mom's blog I started thinking. It just fits. I was at a point of my life that I believed to be critical. The end point where I don't have anywhere to turn to anymore. So I chose the right name back then.

I'm gripping my life by the end of it's tail again right now. Actually I slipped and let go for a while but having cute furry little kitties that are so playful and loving helps coz the kitties love being petted and letting me grip it's tail is part of the play. That didn't make sense even to me so I leave it at that.

Adieu and ja ne~~ See my tail again tomorrow morning.

Perfection

Sometimes a desire for perfection can be misinterpreted as criticism

Bloggie... 2007??? Time?

Time is subjective. As far as I'm concerned a year is nothing. It's just one way we try to mold time to our minds. Will is more important than time. Understand? No?

Put it this way. Everything's already there. Then we start from what we call the beginning and have this restriction in our mind that forces us to experience our existence in a linear way, experiencing what we call the passing of time. What makes this life not something pointless if everything is already pre-set?

Will. We've been given this specialty to change our existence. We are either stuck living out our lives through time as is already set or we actually live through every moment learning from the mistakes we make and going into ourselves and changing the truth of our own being.

What about our consciousness that allows us to think and be better than animals? Well. It matters little. Without changing the truth that we're living we would think within the constraints of our set lives and end up living a linear life till the picture is over. In other words we follow our scripts exactly. No changes nor any real choices.

I would say that people who use their will are artists. Hackers, modders, whatever you want to call them because they seek to change. A strong will and you can change most parts of your life except static things like your parents, family, race and such. An average will help you direct your life and bend the picture certain ways. Ways that make you more comfortable in life. More successful if you wish or more happy or more enlightened.

So with this I'm actually posting in 2007 when just yesterday night I considered blogging a waste of my time. This is just a wall I write on and as such I'll write whatever I wish to write.

Here's to 2007 and may The Creator bless me in my efforts involving exercising my will. As all in life actually conforms to His will.