Ayam Besar

I just remembered an amusing thing some kids said at a friend's wedding. It was already night then so the family's settling down after a busy day.

A little boy, about 5 or 6 years old, came out of the kitchen area carrying a big bowl of sup tulang. Let's call him Boy A. It was kerbau by the way so just had a polite sampling. Didn't like it much, prefer beef over buffalo meat. Anyways this kid sat down and began heartily slurping the soup, nibbling on some bits of bone and gristle. I was just talking to my friend, the groom, who was a little bit giddy though he was really pale and sweating. I missed the wedding vows so didn't know whether he fumbled or not... So anyway back to the boy.

As he was enjoying his meal, a few other boys about his age came and asked him whether he's enjoying his soup. He smiled and said yes it's tasty. One of the other boys, I'll call him boy B, then admired the large piece of bone in the soup and said, "Waaah, besarnya tulang ayam kamu. Patutla sedap sup tu". The conversation then went as such...

Boy A, "Bukanlah ni sup kerbau, bukan sup ayam."

Boy B "Ayam tu, bukan kerbau. Besar ayam kau dapat."

Boy A "Eh, mak aku cakap sup kerbau, macam mana pulak jadi ayam."

Boy B, "Kau silap tu. Memang tulang ayam. Betul tak korang?', asking the other boys in his group.

Boys B, C and D, "Ha'ah la. Memang tulang ayam tu."

The first boy then just stared at his soup and after a while carried the bowl back to the kitchen.

Okay, for those who don't read Malay... Here's an approximate translation..

Boy B first said, "Wooow, that's a big chicken bone you have there... No wonder the soup's nice"

Boy A, "What? It's not chicken, it's buffalo... How could it turn into chicken..."

Boy B, "You got it wrong. I'm sure it's chicken bone. Isn't that right guys?"

Boys B, C and D, " Yea, that's chicken bone for sure."


Welp. Twas a really really weird and surreal conversation. I didn't even believe I was hearing it right at the time ^__^

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Energy

Been having less energy these few weeks. I suspect an herb has something extra to do with this tiredness. I had been taking this particular herb on and off for close to a year as it's supposed to help my liver. Oh, I do have some liver problems and that affects me to a certain extent. Anyway my doctor insisted that I try to take it regularly for once because I admitted to taking it half dose once a day. Why did I do that? Because whenever I take it full dose twice a day I'd feel really really bad after just 4 days. Anyway I this time I tried to keep to the program as is rather than improvising as I see best. The herb is supposed to have a really obvious effect after just a month of regular consumption. The research and feedback shows marked improvement in many cases.

Well, after about a month and a half taking the herb I must say it really has a significant effect on me. I got really really really tired, felt throbbing pain around my liver area, intermittently at first but almost all the time by the end of the period, felt very weak and had trouble sleeping, waking and generally doing anything because I lack energy. It didn't seem good so I just stopped cold turkey and informed the doctor that I'm not taking the herb anymore. I don't know what effect it had but I really hope no permanent damage was done to my liver as I still have less than 30% of the energy I had before this even after a month of stopping the herb and sleeping at home most of the time... Ironic isn't it, a liver helping herb actually having the opposite effect. Well, I can't really say opposite effect as I haven't done any blood tests to check my liver's current condition. Well, I'll go and get the test done soon to check what effect it had. Maybe it improved my liver and the tiredness and energy loss are just incidental side effects?

Smoking Gun

Am wathcing a documentary right now. The narrator said "Until today, there's still no smoking gun...." Okay, am not quoting verbatim, the important part is the phrase smoking gun. The Malay subtitles said "tiada senapang asap" which literally means there are no smoke guns. Long live literal translations. Gives me plenty of laughs. You can't believe what how they translate... The funniest I know is when they translated 101 dalmations into "seratus satu bintik" which means one hundred and one spots!!!. It's not even remotely right in any way ^__^

A Tribute to Robert Jordan

Robert Jordan, one of the greatest fantasy authors of the modern day. I started reading his book a few years ago, in 2002 if I'm not mistaken. I love his books and love the world he created. I type today with great sadness. This author that inspired millions died on the 16th of September 2007 around 2.45 pm. His fans would already know this but I write here not to inform anyone. I write in honour of his name. The legacy that he created.

My deepest condolences to his family and friends. May God be with him.

Ahmad Hilmi Jaafar
17th September 2007 6.50pm (GMT +0800)

Afraid of Water?

will the sticker be afraid of water? like spills or whatever...

I read this question in a forum I frequent. The person wants to know whether the said sticker is water proof or not. Technically.... if the sticker is 'afraid' of water, that means it's hydrophobic right? Which makes it waterproof :D The guy answering it helpfully related how he rubbed water on the sticker and it simply rolled of the sticker. I noticed he avoided answering whether the sticker's afraid or not :D

At last.... The book....

The book.... The book's here at last. No I don't mean Harry Potter, I finished that off a few weeks ago and it was an amusing read.. Not bad but not great either. There I said it. Just a simple observation of mine no flaming please. I still like the story.

Anyways I got meself 2 new books. One I finished reading 2 weeks ago, the new Robin Hobb book, Renegade's Magic, the third book in her excellent Soldier Son Trilogy. This series of her started slow but it built momentum really well and the last book is the most excellent (that also makes it the strangest book :D). I'm not going to spoil anyone who might go and read the trilogy, let's just say it's unrelated to her other books and it has very different ideas and concepts...

The book that caused me to feel giddy isn't Hobb's book though. It's Steven Erikson's latest Malazan Book of The Fallen, Reaper's Gale. Oh I do love the Malazan series. It's excellent. Confusing as hell and excellent. I'll be re-reading the books again after I finish this latest book. He writes in such a way that I only understand a certain comment from book one in the 3rd or 4th book. Tis crazy but really really addictive.

Ah, actually I got a delicious morsel to nibble on before I got these books. George R. R. Martin's The Hedge Knight, a graphic novel. It's a juicy tidbit, not enough to satisfy my Song of Ice and Fire craving but enough to tide me by.

Okay, I'll be offline reading Reaper's Gale. Signing off....

Insanity

I'm embracing insanity rather than trying to reason out everything. Things fall into place very much as they will no matter how I plan and so I'll simply do what I can according to the moment I'm in. The future? Well, I carefully create things I really need such as the presentation slides for our company's upcoming event and I'll practice as much as I feel necessary. Other minor things I will deal with as they come...

Anyway speaking of the event. We have 2 events coming in August. One is a seminar by Dr. Alan Godlas, a sufi event. The title is "Spiritual Transformation in Daily Life by means of Remembrance Gratitude and Love". Find out more at the spiritual transformation info page in Holistic Leader's website. Direct linky to the seminar info page~~

The other event is a Light of Healing emotional freedom seminar titled "Dunia di Sebalik Emosi" - Beyond Emotions - The World Awaits You...
I know the Malay title sucks and that's after my sister revised the title. It doesn't exactly have the profound tone of the English title.

Oh here's the seminar advert as will be published in the August edition of Jelita magazine. It's fully in Malay though~

Which OS Are You?

I found this gem of a quiz. Well, I think it's interesting and I guess anyone with a twinge of geekiness would do so too. How about you mah little sisters, Hana & Aimi? Find this quiz interestin?

Which OS are You?

Carcass

Welp, I woke up early today and had meself a bit of leisure surfing before doing anything else. When I went out of me room to take a bath.. Lo and behold, my car was missing... Tis the saddest thing yet this week as I've been looking forward to drive my own car yesterday morn and yet it was taken from me because of a minor problem with starting the ever ailing merc. Turns out the merc's battery was flat so a simple battery change solved the problem. Oh but that was yesterday... Why was my car missing again today????

I took the merc's key and opened it's door. Immediately obvious was the auto-gear in D position. Oh god don't tell me they took my car just because they couldn't see that the car wasn't in neutral or parking.. I reset the gear position to P, tried the ignition and sure enough the merc starts easily.

After that I actually wasted more than an hour tuning the merc's audio system. It's amplifier and subwoofers weren't properly tuned after my dad installed replacement units some time ago so I did what I could. Now CDs and high-Q MP3s sound great while the FM radio works fine as long as reception is good. Any interference and you'd hear every single pop and crackle. Well, that shows the audio upgrade was worth it... Everything's crystal clear.... Oh low quality MP3s sound really bad with this audio system. I tried an MP3 CD that was in the glove compartment and my ears almost bled. Thankfully I rip my own CDs most of the time and the rare cases I actually get an album through the net it would be because it isn't selling in stores anymore so the online rips would also be high quality...

Di3Va

This is the least interesting live concert I've seen on tv. The only thing that I could see for sure is that they have great stamina. Continuous singing till a commercial... Other than that there's nothing spectacular. Their voices aren't that great and the songs don't sound as they do on the radio... I'm not comparing this show to their CDs. I'm comparing them to radio broadcasts. Well the fans seem to love it. Maybe it sounds better live or they're all loyal fans.

Oh I actually do like some parts of the show. The orchestra :D They play lovely music

Work - Qwiz

A quick pre-trip quiz ahaha~

Your Career Personality: Original, Devoted, and Service Oriented

Your Ideal Careers: Art director Book editor College professor Composer Film director Graphic designer Novelist Stage actor Psychiatrist Writer

The Quick and Dirty Career Test

Welp

Hmm... Am feeling better today... No I didn't get any physical disease. I was just having an extended out of body experience. No flying souls or transparent self, just mind displacement :D

Dragon!

All ye who love fantasy novels would surely love this quiz. I post here the result I acquired.

My inner dragon is the true draconic magic-user. Deep down I am very wise, somewhat shy, and I have a rather short fuse. But don't worry, tans prefer to spend their time counting their enormous treasure, so pass quietly and you'll stay out of danger. Click the image to try the Inner Dragon Online Quiz for yourself.

More on Tans:

Your Inner Dragon is the true draconic magic-user. Tans have been all but forgotten in popular literature, but that suits them just fine. They're slightly shy and spend most of their time in impassable mountain valleys. When feeling brave or adventurous, Tans use their shape-shifting ability to blend in with society. Given a choice, however, Tans still much prefer to be left to their own devices.

You like to spend time devising new and interesting spells and potions, and counting and hoarding your gigantic treasure. Your favorable attributes are longevity, security, magic, and reverence for life. To top it off, your breath weapon is a curious mix of Fire and Air. Just tell folks to watch out, as a Tan you've got a seriously short temper!

Try the Dragon Quiz Yerself!

Merdeka

I notice that there's this merdeka fever this year. Merdeka is independence day. There's so many promotions and offers, so many contests.... though I've yet to participate in any. It's the big 50 for Malaysia... Technically it's 50 years independence for Malaya but that's just a small technicality right?

Anyway I went to the historical part of Melaka, the part where we have the Portuguese ruins and Dutch buildings... It was the town centre back in the old days I guess. As usual I didn't take any pictures of anything~

The last time I went to this area was in 1997 and that's a long long while ago... I notice the Sound & Light auditorium is still there... Something good that. I hear that it's something really spectacular though I've never gone to see it and it is something started in 1989 so I don't know whether it's still good. The Sound & Light show is actually a re-enactment of history with still and moving image projections coupled with narrative, music and sound effects. Umm... that sounds like a multimedia presentation. Well, it was unparalleled in 1989 and the 90s I guess. I still want to see it as this is one thing that Melaka has that I've never experienced. Make that two things.. The other is going to Pulau Melaka (Melaka Island).

Okay just next to the Sound & Light open auditorium there's the philatelic museum, a place I've gone to once when I was still too small to appreciate anything in there. I moved past the museum towards the park that I knew was there to enjoy the shade and ambience. I'm really glad that I did go because it's so calming... The trees are each marked with a big sign that reads "DO NOT DAMAGE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES - The Melaka City council". They're all in capital letters with red background and white lettering... It's a necessity here in Malaysia where development is usually seen to be more important than history. I promise to take a camera and snap some pics. The trees are lovely as quite a few of the larger trees are actually two trees intertwined together and they support a lot of smaller climbing and saprofitic plants...

I envision the trees symbolise the true vision of Malaysia as this small park is actually officially launched by the late Tunku Abdul Rahman in 20th February 1957. It was launched together with his proclamation that Malaya is to gain independence in 31st August that year. There's a Proclamation of Independence Memorial near the small park but I'm really surprised to read the plaque stating the park is also connected to the proclamation because I've never read or heard of it from anywhere. I'll write some more after I've taken pictures of the park and trees.

Money Laundering

I tried out some money laundering... Didn't seem that useful though... Okay, that's actually the tail end of the story, let's start at the beginning.

I was paying a lot of attention on my attitude towards abundance, specifically as regards my cash flow. As such I process a lot of my anxiety about money or as it stands now the lack of extra income. I get barely enough evry month no matter how much my total expenses actually are. So if I actually need RM800 extra somehow or other I'd get the 800 ringgit. If I don't plan on buying anything at all for the month I'd actually earn my phone expenses plus 50 or so. So my monthly income is a yo-yo but I could see that I've some issues to settle.

In my efforts to solve my issues, I did a few rounds of tapping on cleaning up the prejudices that I have against money. You see, I always had this idea that money is something extranous and the right amount is just enough to survive on. This belief translates directly into my monthly income level and I really want to clear this particular block. I focused on letting the issue work itself out and later did a few cleaning sessions as I call it...

I guess all my work cleaning up my issues culminated in me losing my wallet as ironic as that sounds. I actually got my wallet back the very evening I posted it was missing.. I got it clean and fresh out of the washing machine. That's my money laundering experience... I literally got my money laundered.... It's nothing illegal but I have no wish to repeat it even if all my cash smells really nice after that.

Sekian terima kasih as we put at the end of a formal Malay language letter. It translates to umm.... Thank you, the end. Feel free to comment on my cleansing experience~~~

technorati tags:money, issues, laundry, funny, strange

My Wallet!!!

Aaa~ My wallet is missing.... I can't find it. I won't go so far as saying I lost it but it is confirmed missing... Anyway I searchefd for 2 hours this morning, will continue searching again when I'm home. Don't feel comfortable without my wallet but I dispersed most of my worry. I had a history of losing my wallets.... Have been extra careful with my wallet ever since I lost it 3 times in one year's time... It's too much a hassle having to replace my identity card, driver's license and bank cards... now there's also my debit card.. Oh I really hope my wallet is somewhere at home.

Morbid Curiosity

From the Wikipedia

Morbid curiosity

A morbid curiosity is a compulsion, fixed with excitement and fear, to know about macabre topics, such as death and horrible violence (see also: snuff film). In a milder form, however, this can be understood as a cathartic form of behavior or as something instinctive within humans. According to Aristotle, in his Poetics we even “enjoy contemplating the most precise images of things whose sight is painful to us”. (This aspect of our nature is often referred to as the 'Car Crash Syndrome' or 'Trainwreck Syndrome', derived from the notorious inability of passersby to ignore such accidents.)

This curiosity makes it a nightmare everytime there's an accident anywhere in KL or on any highways. It's so much more stressful when the accident happens on the opposite lane. not blocking any of the 3 lanes you're on...

Anyway I could confidently say I don't indulge in my morbid curiosities... at least on the road... I would look at an accident whenever I'm a passenger but I insist the driver should not slow down and if I'm the driver I won't even look directly. What I can see out of the corner of my eye and at most a glance, if the traffic really crawls, would be the most I'd get of any accident.

Lovely Day

A few things happened just now. The rain slowed down to a drizzle but suddenly power was cut off. Lightning arrestor kicking in. Having a double storey house on top a hill makes my house a lightning target. Anyway there was a distinct smell of ozone but I attributed it to the lightning but I was wrong. Found out that the simple surge protector I bought saved both my routers. Will get it again after this. Can't be too safe against lightning right.

That's one thing. The other thing right now is the weather. There's fog as far as I can see. My house is covered in it and the horizon is gone. It's almost 2 p.m! Wow. The last time it fogged any time here was more or less 7 or 8 years ago. Anyway there's never fog in the noon. It's too hot even if it rains.... Something is different maybe. I'm enjoying this. Air conditioned wind blowing into my room.... I sat a while at my window sill enjoying the cool air and the view outside. Saw two kingfishers took a perch on 2 different logs opposite my window almost at the same time. It's amazing. Too bad I don't have a camera or Id have taken some pictures. The kingfishers or raja udang as we know it stayed a bit cleaning their feathers. Raja udang means prawn king. Don't ask me where the name came by. I don't know.

Am enjoying this day. A most lovely day

Rain

I love rain. It's literally pouring here. Had strong winds for half an hour before the rain. High pitched whistling, things flying around the room and later windows slamming shut. I leaned at the window sill facing the wind to appreciate the full glory of the wind.

I think the trees would love this deluge. Since it's really hot and bright whenever it's now raining there'd be green patches all over the place a few days after this... It would be lovely.... Oh the flowers will bloom too. I'm doing a bit more this time. Taking pics as soon as the buds come out.

The only thing a bit off about all this is the fact that it's impossible to keep the windows open. The wind is coming from an angle that gets both my windows... Too bad about that. Well, in a few months time when the monsoon winds change direction I'll get to have open windows when it's pouring~~~

New Day

Today is a new day. A new moment that begins exactly now. The passing of time is irrelevant as I am always present in now. What went before has already gone, what comes after is yet to come.

But still.... the past is an extension of now... Now that has passed....

The future is another facet of now... Now that will be...

We are all in the now... Our existence is wrapped in a single ball where the future and past is a blur of mixed lines. All is in one place and yet all is apart... We change what we can in this little ball that we call life. We change what we can, we do what we want to and yet we are still in this ball...

Our life... Our world... Our existence

-Ahmad Hilmi-

technorati tags:Musings, Life

Lost in Translation

I keep reading silly things... like Mukhsin, the not so new new Malay movie, I would read it as mushkin. There are a few other words I habitually read silly. It's one part of my clumsiness... Oh... I actually said arrogant when I meant humble once. A case of saying the exact opposite of what I mean. I realised what I said when the "arrogant" guest I was introducing glared at me. Everyone took it as my poor attempt at a joke so it didn't turn sour.

Hiatus???

My itching fingers got the better of me. After a few days of typing commands, editing codes and an e-book, I got tired. Well there's also the fact that my mental digestion seem to work exceptionally well these few days. I've digested most of the information that I've acquired in my weekend trip the other day.
Basically I'm not changing what I'm doing. I will just add on to what I do. It is comforting to realise that I am on the road leading to my intended destination and that's what I've realised after processing my discussions and the ideas that spring from it. I also learned how to accelerate which is something that gives me a needed boost to my confidence. I was already confident of what I planned even when people kept asking me and pushing me to do something else before this but I persevered. Well, I did so courtesy of my parents' patience and understanding but I did manage to hold on to my path. Whole new dimensions.. all with boundless potential. New worlds... new civilisations... so many possibilities...
I was speaking of ideas and possibilities not new worlds. The words that I use are simply a mirror of my thinking style. Something that I felt was so alien and kept me apart from people around me. I lamented the fact that my mind worked in a way so strange that people misunderstood my observations and ultimately my intentions. Well, most of my time in the past year had been spent in trying to understand the strange twists and turns my mind makes and stringing sense out of the output it gives. It's a wonder that I actually finished school and an even bigger wonder that I finished my degree when I never actually understood what my mind prints out. They were so much gibberish and I only understood a portion of what I processed before my philosophical year.
Okay. This is turned out to be a post on my mind and how much it was a stranger to me before this. There are still it's ways that I've yet to understand but I work well with it now. My mind and I make a good team, a mutually beneficial partnership. One that enriches both of us...

Hiatus

Am on a writing hiatus. Had a trip to my friend's place last weekend and had great discussions with him. Exchanged stories and ideas.

Still processing a lot of things right now and am working out a new map. I'll be writing again in 2 weeks time unless I have a revelation before that. So, see you on the 5th of May...

-Ahmad Hilmi-

Ah, news from AMD....

Been wondering when AMD would release their new processor... There's also the new GPU, R600 from ATI/AMD that's supposed to come out this April but so far is has been quite elusive. Here's a few lines from the AMD Gospel on Overclockers.com.

Then the same day in Tunisia, being the second day of the week, when the doors were shut where the disciples were assembled for fear of the C2Ds, came Jesus Derrick and stood in the midst, and saith unto them, "Pieces I bring unto you."

And when he had so said, he shewed unto them his Barcelonas and Agena FXs, and even 65nm R600s, with copies of selected benchmarks. Then were the disciples glad, when they saw the Lord.

The AMD Gospel

Here's to hoping the new GPU and CPU from AMD would be great performers. Prices would be competitive if they're so and we would be able to enjoy better performance at lower prices. My target date for a full upgrade is sometime in October so am really hoping they give Intel and NVIDIA stiff competition.

Google Map Bug

Well, just read about the google map bug.. apparently it asks you to swim across the Atlantic Ocean if you try to find directions between Europe and the United States. Quite a funny bug.... Oh it's also true the other way round, from the US to Europe.

Speed Reading!

Did the speed reading test that Aimi did... I got this You read 144 words in 0.37 minutes. Your reading speed is 389 words per minute!

One intetesting tidbit from the site is this statement; Please note that reading is around 25% slower when reading from a screen compared to reading from a paper. I've always preferred books when there's a choice between an electronic and paper based formats. Maybe that's why... Screen reading is slower~

Oh the speed reading test link.

Adversity meme

I've no idea what meme means so I referred to the Oxford English Dictionary.

meme

/meem/

• noun Biology an element of behaviour or culture passed on by imitation or other non-genetic means.

— DERIVATIVES memetic adjective.

— ORIGIN Greek mimema ‘that which is imitated’, on the pattern of gene.

Anyway here goes. I'm doing the Adversity meme started by Paul @ Original Faith.

A wall so high as to be insurmountable,
Dividing a land that on both sides sit idle,
What comes are shot without questions asked,
What moves are beaten till it moves no more,
The people lay afraid and with fear comes anger,
When asked what they fear their voices disappear,
No memory lives of what caused the divide,
No reasons given for what feeds the fear,
They accept what is passed from father to son,
No questions asked, no thought ever given.

Scientist Creates First Human-Sheep Chimera

Scientist Creates First Human-Sheep Chimera

How does that strike you? I started thinking of multi headed creatures with unnatural strength when I read the word chimaera. Essentially it just means a creature with mixed genes. Oxford dictionary gives this description.

chimera

/kimeer/ (also chimaera)

• noun 1 Greek Mythology a fire-breathing female monster with a lion’s head, a goat’s body, and a serpent’s tail. 2 something hoped for but illusory or impossible to achieve. 3 Biology an organism containing a mixture of genetically different tissues.

— ORIGIN Greek khimaira ‘she-goat or chimera’.

It's interesting research and since the organs are just half humans for now it'll take some more time to perfect the organ production. It's a big leap because organ donors are in short supply and this also addresses compatibility problems since it your own stem cells are used.

Cross-species disease is a danger but I think between that and getting a human donated organ and living on anti-rejection drugs it's almost the same risk. Oh, one thing, the blood and other sheep components that essentially makes the creature a sheep would still be there.... Maybe there would be some transition period after a transfer before the organ is fully accepted... We'll just have to see how the research progresses I guess.

I for one think this is good progress. Growing human foetuses for research purposes is illegal in many countries and stem cell research is allowed to a certain extent in some. So technically this circumvents the abhorrence that many feel in regard to human foetus research.

Weird Things About Me

I read these at amieheidi's blog so I guess I'm tagged... Oh, do scroll down after you read this, I posted 3 entries tonight.

Each player of this game starts out by giving 6 weird things/fetish about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. I type all my capital letters even while using a wordprocessor that auto-capitalises. I learned typing in pre-windows era where there weren't any correct as you type word processors. I first used WordPerfect by the way. One good thing with the classic word processors was that I could actually type teh and not have it corrected into "the". I remember a restaurant menu somewhere menu reading "The Tarik" and "The O". Teh means tea for anyone who doesn't speak Malay.

2. I used to read out loud certain words as I'm reading. Most often when I read the daily comics section but I also did it when reading books too.

3. I don't read the daily comics in order. I read the ones I don't like first rather than completely skipping them and the ones I like last. I've always done that and it feels weird any other way

4. I started reading novels at 8 and fantasy novels at 10 but I've only read 4 Malay novels and 1 Malay novel series. The series had 6 short books I think. So in total I've read only 10 Malay books. The reason is simple. I find the Malay books I try to read boring. The first book I read was one my dad gave me at 10 and I only finished reading it when I was 17. I couldn't focus on the book when I was younger and keep stopping to read more interesting books.

5. I read car manuals from cover to cover. Started with my dad's car when I was 10 I think and I still continue till now. They're interesting, don't ask me why.

6. I used to hum to myself. I don't know whether I still do it or not as I never notice when I actually hum and as such I never even know what I hummed. My younger sister says it's the same tune every time but they couldn't repeat it or give it a name. Both says it sounds familiar though. I did it mostly when I concentrate on doing something I think.

Those are 6 weird things about me. I'll add another one here. I can't think of anything that didn't relate to reading or words at all when I started. I put humming in point 6 after a lot of digging in my mind. I tag Kakak, Hana, Aimi, Aiman and Dr Su. I also tag anyone who reads this and haven't done it yet.

Pokok Melaka

Pokok Melaka, also known as Indian Gooseberry is the origin of Melaka's name. I'm quite proud to say that I've known how pokok Melaka looks like since I was in high school. My friend pointed out to me the tree and even plucked a fruit for me. Of course I waited until he tasted it first before I did. It's quite bitter and sour but still nice. The fruit is also pickled though I've never tasted one.

If you go to Mahkota Parade in Melaka and the Dataran Mahkota in front of it you'll get to see the trees in real life. They're pokok Melaka that's why the council planted them okay. There's also a huge pokok Melaka near the Stadhuys. For anyone from Melaka look around next time you go shopping.




These are the pickled fruits.








These are cermai for those who think I've confused buah melaka with buah cermai.






Malacca Tree Wikipedia link.
Pokok Melaka Wikipedia link.

Consideration

I'm going to start another blog soon. A Malay one since it would benefit more of my customers. I thought the other day that I may be trying to do too much writing. As it is my blog isn't updated that regularly anyway. After a few weeks of considering I'm going ahead anyway. What I write here and on my other blogs are different aspects of my mind so writing on one wouldn't mean I run out of ideas for the other blogs.

I would like to start on the real post now. Consideration. How many of us know this word and it's true meaning? Consideration of other people and their thoughts. Consideration of our own selves. Oxford dictionary describes consideration as "1 careful thought. 2 a fact taken into account when making a decision. 3 thoughtfulness towards others. 4 a payment or reward."

The part that I'm focusing on is the 3rd entry, thoughtfulness towards others. Do we take others into consideration when we make decisions or do any actions? Do you show consideration towards others?

Forgiveness

Asking for forgiveness is a big part in forgiving your own self. You let go of your pride when you do that. When the other party forgives you a great burden would be lifted off your back. On the other hand being denied forgiveness is as much a possibility as getting one.

Why should anyone keep grudges when it hurts the person holding it more? Asking someone who loves to hold grudges would enlighten me but I don't get along well with someone like that since I'm one of the least tactful people I know. That means no answers from anyone except my own self.

The reason I see is simple. Being too significant. Significance here meaning simply thinking too much of your own self. Believing your truth and existence matters to the world. This I say only in reflection of my own hard-headed years.

Everyone's truth is different and accepting that means accepting people's mistakes and also my own. Nothing irked me more than people who sees things only through their own biased lens. It really bugs me simply because I did that a lot even when I had the ability to shift my perspective.

Now I do as much as I can to view from outside myself. Create a consciousness outside my being. A part of me that sees and reminds me of my own biases and preconceptions. It is possible but so far I haven't been able to maintain it during active conflicts. The time it takes for me to recover my pseudo awareness after an argument is decreasing though. It remains to be seen how much I could help myself this way.

Till another day then.

Tagged... Daily review questions

Since Dr Su tagged me I'll do my best to answer the questions. Everyday is meaningful to me if I apply meaning to it so I just answer it today

1. What was your peak experience or accomplishment in the past day?
Overcame a financial block.

Your main challenge?
Actually doing the actions needed. I already scripted a plan to overcome the block and preventing it from affecting me again.

2. What emotional reactions, stresses or tensions were triggered in the last 24 hours?
I was nervous and even had mild tremors towards the end of my block-busting. I also had travel fatigue and maybe post-training fatigue yesterday night. The latter stresses aren't related to the block.

3. What decisions need to be made?
How to organise my room and keep it organised. When to travel to my friend's place in JB for my personal and business plans. Which path I'm taking along my career. I've been keeping my options open so far. The JB trip is also to help me choose which path I'll commit to.

What problems need to be solved?
Room straightening. It's all warped over here right now. Anyway questions 1 & 2 both have extra questions!

4. What early warning signals are calling for your attention?
This unending cough. It could be athsma but now it just seems like something is stuck in my chest. A moderate amount of phlegm and slight itching. The painful raw sensation has subsided and that's good and I could take a deep breath now without coughing my lungs out.

5. What did you learn about yourself in the past 24 hours?
I've been unable to clean my room because I haven't committed myself to any path. I've been keeping myself dangling and it isn't doing me any good. I also learned that I need to maintain close friends outside my family to discuss with. Family is too close for me to have a full meaningful discussion of my choices. Resonance without blood ties and a totally different angle as the basic thinking pathways are different.

6. What new ideas, insights or urges came up?
A resolve to maintain and multiply my income. I've not cared about cash but my overall well being; emotional, mental and physical was being affected by my aversion to money.

7. What strong desires did you notice?
A desire to pull my beloved to me right now. It's not feasible because I've yet to attain a sufficient level of financial freedom. She lets things around her affect her too much and that affects me indirectly.

8. How did you experience any reflection, stillness, relaxation or fun?
Letting the stillness, calmness wash over me. My concerns are external, unimportant. My heart and mind are buoyed, floating atop the chaos that are the events all around me. Seeing all, following the weaves of meaning that flows between events. The tapestry that it forms rather than the individual threads.

9. What can you do to improve your health, energy and memory?
Regulate my sleep and taking enough water. I've regulated my food intake for quite sometime so that isn't an issue now.

10. Who, including yourself, needs your acceptance or forgiveness?
I wish to accept my current self and forgive and accept my beloved.

11. What goals or next step are unclear or need more effort?
Holistic Leaders marketing. My career path. I also am refining my thinking. Trying to integrate my thought process with my emotions. Right now they much too separate and while that does give me a lot of benefits, proper integration would gain me more understanding and knowledge over myself. Some of my weaknesses right now like an unpredictable temper is from the separation of thought and emotion. My emotions would overpower thoughts when they get too strong. Proper integration is the keyword. I don't mean a mixing of both but a true synergy between the two.

12. What is your ‘critical inch’ (thanks to Richard Carlson) – your most important immediate next step?
Making a life plan. I've not made a proper one yet and it shows in my actions.

Headddddddache

I've been reading a bit about net addiction. I do have it, I really do. I would sit in front of this computer for hours pulling very interesting information that has doubtful uses. None are bad in itself but I'll give an example here to make things clearer. Yesterday I surfed and found a link to Australian Weeds. Not the smoking type mind you. So I spent a few hours reading and checking the many kinds of weeds in Australia, it's origins, how it affects the environments it grows in... So what do I get from that? More knowledge, yes but it isn't even relevant to anything that I do or know. It does expand my mind but I would devote about 15 minutes to half an hour to it if it's on printed media. Since it's in the net and linked to many more intriguing information I continued clicking and reading.

I'm having none of that tonight. Actually..... I'm stopping short rather than not starting. I already did read lots of interesting things tonight. A good 2 hours of reading Bruneian blogs and trying to figure out the local dialect. I say dialect because think formal Brunei Malay is very much similar to ours so correct me if I'm wrong.

Sluggy Freelance

I read webcomics. Used to read a whole bunch of 'em but dropped all of them at one point in the past. Now am only reading Sluggy Freelance. Quite interested in some that I read before but I really don't find it important for me to catch up and follow them all. This is the one I like most and I'm sticking with it even though it does have it's slow days or weeks. It's okay with me because I usually check it out once a week anyway. Prefer my comics in week sized doses rather than a single day shot ;)

Demam

Got meself a lovely gift together with the training program last weekend. A full blown athsma attack. I was planning to sleep early but ended up I coughed and gagged the whole night long. Did get a few minutes of sleep. Maybe an hour in total but it was very shallow sleep. A light doze where I'm aware of my breathing and level of phlegm in my chest. When it reaches critical point, i.e when I would start gasping and gagging again, I would wake up and cough up the phlegm into the large paper napkins I kidnapped from the kitchen.

Still have it right now but it's not as bad. Was worst the first night, Friday going into Saturday, and Monday night. Got a fever on Monday night.

On something completely unrelated, I seem to lose track of time a lot nowadays. I can't seem to remember what day it is most of the time. I can't recall very well what I did on which day too. But funny thing is my deadlines are all properly met even when I forget the days. Maybe my internal work-scheduler has a working clock and calendar. It's not sharing with other parts of my mind though...

New Blog

I've started a new blog. This would still be my personal blog, where I could rant and complain when I feel like it. The other one is my spiritual blog. Whatever that means to you. To me it means it's a blog related to my advancement in life.

Seeking the Truth of My Existence

Scrappy scrappy Doooo~

Well... I do love a good scrap whenever the time's right. I enjoy it really. The verbal kind not physical. Never noticed it before. But well, I just enjoy a clean scrap, where I disagree with someone sensible. That makes for a nice and useful debate. Too bad it's so rare to find anyone who could disagree and yet talk about it.

The thing is, I usually push for the person to acknowledge that my points are valid to me. Well, most never do, they just want me to see things their way. I acknowledge their points, telling them yes that's your point and then I present mine just showing how things are for me. When there's no effort to meet in the middle that makes it an argument rather than a discussion. I usually stop presenting my point halfway through in an argument. No point to be made so adios~

Maison Ikkoku!

Aha, there's going to be a drama series this year based on Maison Ikkoku. Am quite surprised because Maison Ikkoku aired in 1986-1988, the manga was 1980-1987. Almost 20 years before they decided it's good material for drama. (Note: major spoilers are in this wiki page. Don't read below "spoiler warning" if you want to watch this series and hate spoilers)

Don't really watch j-drama much but i'll make an exception this time. If it doesn't carry the series well... then I'll dump it and watch the anime again :D

Misaki Ito would play Otonashi Kyoko. She doesn't look much like Kyoko if you ask me but the way she carried her character in Densha Otoko does make her a good candidate.





Taiki Nakabayashi Plays Godai Yuhsaku. The only info I could find about this young chap is that he's born in 1985 and his blood type is A. Too new to have much info flying around on the net maybe.



Oh, I can't imagine who would play Yotsuya-san succesfully. He's so..... Yotsuya.

Other news about Ikkoku... I've been searching for it's discography set or at least an OST set but so far none are selling i Malaysia. I do have the full quality downloaded version but the sets would still mean a lot to me. Pictures and everything nice in there.

Well, here's to wondering how a 1987 series where quite a significant bit of the confusion was lack of communication due to wrong place, wrong time issue would be played back in 2007. There weren't any handphones back then and it was so sad/amusing/funny/sad to see Godai getting misunderstood again and again. Ah well, I'll just wait and watch

Anime

Today I'm going to about anime. I was introduced to this strange form of entertainment a few years ago. I forgot exactly when but it was around 2001 or 2002. The first one I actually watched was Love Hina and it cracked me up real good. Funny, silly and so seriously unreal.

I was watching some whenever I can coz my bro, the great supplier literally had boxes of CDs full of anime. When I had holidays all I did was watch anime and that was what actually got me off games. A steadily increasing addiction to anime. Some other ones I watched early in the days was Noir which I still love but never got to wathching it again and Slayers. Watched all the Slayers series but actually loved the first one, just Slayers, not next or whatever.

Ah, but the real topic of my post today. Maison Ikkoku. My bro pointed it out to me when I asked for a good one because I was running out of 12 - 24 episode animes to watch. He just said, "Heard it's quite good", or something along those lines. Well. It was good. It was extremely good. More so than I could ever explain here. All 96 episodes are full of anime goodness and I almost went days without sleep the first time I watched it through. I would sleep for about an hour or so and get up to continue watching. I think I finished all 96 episodes in just two weeks. It was crazy and I was crazy to do that but I just couldn't help myself. Now am watching it again for the fifth or sixth time.

Funny thing is I usually skip the oh-so-romantic-lovey-dovey series. This one is considered a love story and a pretty long one but it's just great. Ah well, maybe I'll write up some synopsis on it later. I just want to finish it now. Got up to episode 22 now. A bit more to go there....

Project Planner

Am going to compile that piece of software in this computer. Tried it out on my mom's laptop and me like it. Easier to try things I may want there first because I got ubuntu installed there and usually it's just a simple apt-get command away.

Anyway another computer related news. I assembled a computer and loaded kubuntu, which I warped to edubuntu, for my auntie. She seems to like it at first glance but time will tell how she takes it. The thing is unless you really want gaming windows isn't any better. A debian based distro like ubuntu also make it easy to install new things.

Well, enough mumbo jumbo for now.

----------------------------

Okay now about life. What is more important? Truth or right? In most cases they aren't the same.

Treatment of Self

Learning to heal is learning to improve and augment yourself. It doesn't necessarily mean you perfect yourself as some of the better healers I know are flawed as individuals. They are only powerful in their healing element.

These people that I speak of are not trained healers one and all. Some are individuals who never had any basic training or exposure whatsoever. I've learned to identify their healing presence as I'm progressing along this path. Some I haven't even seen in years but I still could put the puzzle pieces together.

What I notice is that with some healers, the more powerful their healing presence the more flawed their character is. The flaws may not be obvious but when I'm actually listening and watching I see them. Maybe it is the flaws that allow these people to develop healing skills whether they realise it or not. Healing the self for a long long while and later starting to heal people around them.

One of my own flaws is that I shift between a contemplative thinking state into a dynamic action oriented but unthinking state. Well, medical psychology calls it a bipolar disorder. I'm trying to apply the latest learning I acquired. Try to establish a stable third state between the two polars. I've managed to establish a platform after all this while but it does have the tendency to fold on itself and when that happens I just drop or shoot up. More of the latter as I seem to operate at a high frequency nowadays. Well, there's also some info on that particular issue.

Am taking time off this weekend. Meet a few old friends and talk to them. No business at all just plain simple talking. I even decided to mail some business related slides later to one of them rather than bringing it with me.

Oh well, slight technical issues again over here. The SE Asia - US link problem is becoming a drag...

Steinburner

I don't know where I got that name. I think from The simpsons or something.
Anyway been trying my best to deepen my knowledge on EFT, that's Emotional Freedom Technique for anyone wondering.

Need some more ideas to get a breakthrough on some of my tougher issues. There's also the fact that my clients seem to keep coming up with more complicated and deeper issues every session. Well I do have the option of going to any of the other EFT practitioners in Malaysia and getting a few sessions done to clear up my tougher blocks. I'll keep that in mind because I really hate running around in in circles.

Well, a free weekend this time. In fact it's been a slow year so far. It does mean I don't earn anything but it also means I've time to relax and indulge in my hobbies. Thankfully I have the habit of keeping some money in a spare account especially when I get some bonuses so am not exactly strapped for cash right now. In fact I splurged on a few things this month and I even got my car fixed up a bit. So I'm doing okay money-wise.

Am trying to clear my older blocks right now because I know some of them involve my aversion to any static form and structure. It's really difficult planning anything much less sustain a regular EFT practice when I actually start everyday with more ideas in my mind. Though it's nice having a ceaseless mind working to improve my what I already planned out it's actually very taxing because the actual work and maintainance of my plans are lacking. I work odd hours now and only take clients through appointments.

Well, that reminds me to lay out plans for this one particular idea. Plans that I will implement as soon as they're laid out properly. Not complete, just laid out. I'm trying an offset parallel plan + action this time. 20% lead in planning to make sure I'm on top of my ideas and not the other way round.

Coded

I really am tired really. Very very tired and I can't even rest well. So I'm using more and more of my reserves without being able to replenish them. This lasted a few years last time... I think 3 years. Then I just ran out of willpower. Still haven't got what I have last time. My will.

Well, no one I know would guess that I actually changed in the sense of will. That's because I seem as "can't be bothered about anything" as I ever was. There is a lot of difference to me though. I don't exert my will by being pushy and demand things. I usually keep quiet and end up getting my life where I want it to be. When I'm pushy that means I'm frustrated. I can't get things done even after so much effort and it just drives me crazy.

I'm trying to collect myself though. Want to rest actually. Really rest.. Want to regain my quiet will. Then I won't need to be frustrated anymore. I would be able to do things quietly as I very much prefer.

Torment

A journey to find one's own self. Even one's own name is forgotten. Each word heard, each action taken are new and a mirror of the past. The past selves, each seemingly his own self, each seemingly with his own aim. Each one left a mark. Mark of greatest good to the greatest madness one could imagine. All leaving a scar behind.

To learn the story behind the scars. To understand what is my own being. To find my own path among the many facets of self that has used this body and mind. What may I learn and what may I become. What are my limits and what are my powers. What have I done and what will be my future.

What is my name?

-The Nameless One-

Tail end

Checked out my mom's blog and I read noticed the link to my blog on the side panel. It says Hilmi Tail End. Sounded a bit weird and to me it stood out amongst the links my mom put up. The other family links either had a name and something that sounds like a musing or it had a simple description. Actually mine read like a description though it seemed like a strange one.

I actually chose Tail End as my blog title on a whim. There's this cat tail picture which someone snapped and I took a liking to it. Ended up putting tail end just coz I decided to put the tail pic on my profile. It was that simple.

After seeing the link in my mom's blog I started thinking. It just fits. I was at a point of my life that I believed to be critical. The end point where I don't have anywhere to turn to anymore. So I chose the right name back then.

I'm gripping my life by the end of it's tail again right now. Actually I slipped and let go for a while but having cute furry little kitties that are so playful and loving helps coz the kitties love being petted and letting me grip it's tail is part of the play. That didn't make sense even to me so I leave it at that.

Adieu and ja ne~~ See my tail again tomorrow morning.

Perfection

Sometimes a desire for perfection can be misinterpreted as criticism

Bloggie... 2007??? Time?

Time is subjective. As far as I'm concerned a year is nothing. It's just one way we try to mold time to our minds. Will is more important than time. Understand? No?

Put it this way. Everything's already there. Then we start from what we call the beginning and have this restriction in our mind that forces us to experience our existence in a linear way, experiencing what we call the passing of time. What makes this life not something pointless if everything is already pre-set?

Will. We've been given this specialty to change our existence. We are either stuck living out our lives through time as is already set or we actually live through every moment learning from the mistakes we make and going into ourselves and changing the truth of our own being.

What about our consciousness that allows us to think and be better than animals? Well. It matters little. Without changing the truth that we're living we would think within the constraints of our set lives and end up living a linear life till the picture is over. In other words we follow our scripts exactly. No changes nor any real choices.

I would say that people who use their will are artists. Hackers, modders, whatever you want to call them because they seek to change. A strong will and you can change most parts of your life except static things like your parents, family, race and such. An average will help you direct your life and bend the picture certain ways. Ways that make you more comfortable in life. More successful if you wish or more happy or more enlightened.

So with this I'm actually posting in 2007 when just yesterday night I considered blogging a waste of my time. This is just a wall I write on and as such I'll write whatever I wish to write.

Here's to 2007 and may The Creator bless me in my efforts involving exercising my will. As all in life actually conforms to His will.