Itchy & Scratchy

No, not the kiddy cartoon in The Simpson's. I'm scrathing away like crazy coz i've some sort of skin infection. Not nice really. Really really bad itch. Aaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~ I'll continue later. It just got crazier...

Si Tenggang

Actually I've an almost hobby. Finding out about the Malay culture in different countries and comparing the similiarities and differences. It's an almost hobby because I never do it seriously and just ask anyone I could lots of questions without actually making notes. So far I've spoken to Malays from Indonesia, the Philippines and Brunei. I forget most of the things I learn and am not even sure of the ones I remember so it's actually quite sad.
Anyway here's a reference to the Malaysian folktale 'Si Tenggang' in one of the blogs I read. I find it intriguing. This is one example why I like to find out about the Malay culture in different places.

The Si Tenggang Tale

64 bit

Oh Hana. Gomen-ne if you read this. It's just a bunch of nonsense I guess :D

I've gone open source completely for now. Only booted my windows once last week and once this not counting booting only to delete files still in my NTFS partition (no NTFS delete support yet in Linux). Anyways am using a 64 bit OS and it does improve a bit on the compiling speed if not on anything else. Been busy learning the intricacies of simple compiling. It's simple but there are quite a few things to learn when your system isn't the standard setup and a 64 bit system is not standard. Some essential softwares run only in 32 bit. The best example would be flash. No 64 bit support so I'm using a 32 bit firefox coupled with a beta flash 9 for linux installation. Oh I failed at installing that in any manual way so I got meself a pre-compiled package :) Prefer to build myself actually because I find that it's much more satisfying. Next thing I want to do is learn to create packages so that I can manage the installations better. Keeping source files on disk is bad for my free space...

Hmm... also plan on building a website. Am quite bad at adopting PHP-Nuke. Will search a bit. Read and practice on PHP-Nuke and also search for some other alternatives. I misplaced my link for PHP-Nuke modules so I'm going to search for that first. Basic editing is the max I'd go for now. Re-writing modules or any other thing from scratch takes up too much reading as of now and I don't want to devote too much time on that. I've enough doing making a stable system right now.

Okie dokie. Some more learning to do. Adios~

edit: I actually detest using windows for normal everyday things now as it's very very very slow. I guess using a derivative of Slackware exaggerates the speed advantage Linux has over windows. A no-frills distro. Won't be trying anything else unless I run into a brick wall which I don't think would happen anytime soon. Thank you to my bro in-law for introducing me to Slack.

Bipolar

Well, rather than responding to hana's comment I'll just make a new post.

You want to know something. A bipolar disorder is not about feelings so you can't say "try not to layan sangat the feelings" or in english, don't brood. In medical science memang the only way is medication but alternative therapy like EFT and energy medicine can help. Solat and zikir helps too. It's not "feelings". It's not "thoughts". It's not simply brooding till you feel bad. You're feeling something without reason. You're feeling bad without reason. You're feeling happy or overjoyed at ridiculuous times and even over very very sad things. You're hyper for hours and suddenly turn blank and senseless like you got dipped in ice cold water.

Through energy methods I've learned you have blocks in your energy system, making the flow sluggish or even stop. Through EFT I've learned that it could even be that your energy system is reversed completely. The blockage coulbd be from your past experiences, memory, even cellular memory which is genetics and unexplainable inherited traits.

How do you overcome it? Not through faking it. You just smile and say "Oh i'm okay", "Nothing's wrong", "All's well that ends well". Do that and you'll get a very nice example of a classical Malay word that's been adopted by the English language. Amuk! You would literally run amok when it exceeds your limits. It's a malay word for sure and it's first observed here because we're taught to always not show our feelings to be polite. Not to express our thoughts and opinions as we should "listen to our betters", orang tua makan garam dulu yea?

So I would advise you to process your feelings. Look and see why you feel bad. What makes you feel bad. If you don't know why, if you're sure it's a manifestation of the darker side of your mind, then you need to process it through more fantastic methods. Energy work mostly works better than any other tried method. Breathing exercises focuses the mind when no focus could be found. A shower, a bath. Reduce the anxiety and anger level. Then process it through energy work. EFT works best for me. What is EFT? I'll explain later if I feel the urge to do so.

Okay, basic for those without any background in energy work. Zikr (that is chant) while thinking on the problem and thinking that "I'm still okay even if I don't know how to settle it". Don't think of a solution. Just think that you have the problem but you're still okay. You forgive yourself for having the problem. Rub the sides of your eyes, where you rub when you have a headache. Press both point of your eyebrows nearest your nose. Rub below your nose, above your lips. Clap your chest, make sure your hand touches your collarbone while doing it. And and with du'a, pray.

Okay that works to reduce unexplained thoughts and feelings. Try it and it would help.

Selamat Hari Raya~~~

Selamat Hari Raya to all here in Malaysia. Tomorrow's raya. For those in other places like my lil' sis in India, Selamat Hari Raya!! Your last raya abroad yea Hana. Take care okay and we all love you Hana

Rythm

Hmm... Rythm. My niece loves when you play with her singing baby tunes and hearing zikr and nasyid. She'd bounce up and down and try to sing along sometimes =) Oh this is mostly "aaa aaaa aaaa", shrieks and shouts. Well she's only 8 months plus so what do you expect :)
Anyways I'm sort of in a good rythm nowadays. Still have problem sleeping at night but am better at waking up now. By better I mean actually waking up before 11 o'clock. Most days I even wake up before 10 now. Oh it's nothing big but still an improvement.
Been thinking of polarities. I've ignored my bipolar disorder for a couple of years now but I do notice that it's still very much present. Muted most of the time but there nonetheless. I'm focusing most of my self-EFT sessions on that particular issue then. It's something that gets in my way and I'd be happy to resolve this disturbing duality..

Waaah

It's Aliveee! ~ Said Jim Carrey's style in Ace Ventura
Streamyx is online again. I just called at 3 something today and got a line almost 6 in the evening. Oh they said it's a problem statewide, as in the whole of Melaka and I've to just wait till I get a line. Huh, really that's tech support to you. But I'm thankful I got a line no matter how slow it is... It is much slower than usual actually.

Where is Jaring's broadband?? Launched in Klang Valley with supposed nationwide coverage coming soon..... I've yet to see any sign of it. Am going to Jaring's Anjung something next week and ask them when they'll offer broadband in Melaka.

Ah.... A Quiz

Just typed mah name into this. Interesting result huh
As noted by a mummy though not The Mummy that can curse people, it's not 'a' but 'an'. That teaches you to actually read copied codes before posting hehe.

How to make an Ahmad Hilmi

Ingredients: 1 part success 1 part silliness 3 parts empathy

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add curiosity to taste! Do not overindulge!

Username:

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

Demi Waktu

Slept less than 3 hours today. Got on my bed about 12. Woke up 20 mins before 3. Couldn't get back to sleep. Like I had a few injections of stimulants. Anyway the going to bed at 12 part..... I actually tossed and turned for god knows how long before sleep came.

Watched House season 3 episodes 1 and 2. Really like this series. Dr House is as close to an idol as can be for me. He's fictional though so it doesn't count I guess :D Doesn't mean I would go around treating people like he does though however tempting it might be at times... Just his fictional grasp of matters and situations intrigues me. Instinct.

My auntie came the other day and she said something that rings true for me. I won't quote verbatim because that's not something that I do well. We were talking and she said that instinct is the result of massive amounts of knowledge gathered. Your subconcious would make the connections for you and you'd feel a hunch. The keyword is massive amounts of knowledge. Umm... the keywords. You'd get instinct through learning and experience. Learning without any experience won't gain you the hunches..

By the way we were talking about mismanagement of a certain company by external powers that have greater say over the company's decisions than the thinkers in the company. She said if certain criteria were met there would be a massive exodus of mid level execs from the company which would cripple it given the fact that the almost all the top execs are retiring in one or two years.

Okay. Subuh already. 5.54. Well... it's good practice for Ramadhan. 3 is too early for sahur though... Massive amounts of time for tahajjud and all :D

Life....

Why do people want to be special? Aren't we all different no matter how much we seem the same on the outside? The cliques... the clans... soulmates... Aren't these a celebration of each individual's uniqueness blended into a group awareness?
I believe it's a matter of what we do with what we have. I cherish my life and my oddities... my stangeness and my alienation... my differences and my quirks.

To life... and all the secrets we are to find in it

Demam

Just baik demam. Wah really bad this time. Haven't had a fever or anything for a long long while. Just a case od the sniffles once in a while. Hmm... good thing is I got it for only 2 days. Quick recovery~

Anyways wondering what I'll do to clean up my room. Everytime I started it gets messier....

Therapist?

I'm a therapist? An almost psychologist. Counselor most like. Huh.. weirdness... I planned on 1 1/2 more years doing masters.. Right now am just a simple therapist. Am learning with each case. Still a below average therapist and the expressions I get at the end of a session would usually be a mix of beilderment and ease.. I couldn't get them to be completely calm and collected at closing. Not yet anyway. I do my best to tie the ends a bit before letting them out of the room but only so much I can do with this much experience. Most seem a bit relieved I'd say but I'm not satisfied.

Ok back to trying to be something more than I am now.

What Sign Should I Be

You Should Be A Cancer

What's good about you: you're incredibly kind, caring, and generous What's bad about you: you can be too moody and impossible to understand In love: you enjoy wining and dining the object of your affection In friendship, you're: likely to depend on other friends for emotional support Your ideal job: historian, marine biologist, or religious figure Your sense of fashion: you dress to match your mood You like to pig out on: classic home cooked meals, like mac and cheese

What Sign Should You Be?

Samui

Samui Departure hall :D


Huh.... EFT.. Koh Samui... Nice....
Well... I went to Koh Samui 2 weeks ago. Stayed there for a week. 15th till the 22nd of June. Great place. I learned a lot there and am really happy I took up my mom's offer to learn EFT.

Well we went on a Berjaya Air plane taking off fom the old Subang airport. If you never heard of it before it's understandable. I never knew the Berjaya Group that made Time's Square has an airline :D They fly to islands hehe. Islands in Malaysia where they have resorts like Redang... and Koh Samui. Don't know which other places they go to, just read Redang in their in-plane brochure. Ah we flew on a de Havilland Canada DHC-7 series 110, a dash 7 for short. A small plane and quite slow. I know why they use it tho, did a search on it. It can take off and land on short runways. That explains the weirdness I felt on both counts... Anyways there were only 113 made up to 1988 then they stopped producing it. Wonder where Berjaya Air found these antiques....

This pic is in Samui...

First thing I noticed there in Samui was the complete lack of a terminal. At least a terminal that I can see. It was actually there but further away from the track and it's made completely of wood! No walls hehe.

Was lovely the stay there. The place is okay, not too full of people. No swimming though... High tide comes at night and low tide makes for a very shallow walk till you get to the rim where you just drop off :D :D :D

All in all a very nice trip.. Wish I'm more rajin in typing this... Decided to cut short halfway....

X-Men

Good movie. Didn't feel the time passing and the ending didn't feel hanging. So it's a good movie :) I'd say better x-men have been the best comic adaptation so far for me.

Hmm... What name should I give to a fledgeling company? Just wondering that's all...

Accident.. almost

Hmm... learnin a bit about how to setup networks and some basic scripting. I do know networking but windows style. Just click here and there input a few things and walla a working network :D

Nyways a weekend of boredom. Nothing much to do. Just drive my mom to kl also pick up a warranty claim while in kl and then drive back. Missed an accident while on highway. Would've been spectacular if actually got involved in it. Two southbound lanes blocked and the car in the middle was turned 90 degrees. Hope no car hit it after I swerved... the accident was in an unlighted area and there was light rain. Right lane got 3 or 4 cars piled up, am not too sure coz I was busy trying to brake and pass through safely. There was very little space to squeeze my car into coz of some cars parked on the emergency lane right next to the pile. I guess people who were trying to help but they made it a tight fit to avoid hitting the cars in the middle. I wasn't travelling that fast but less than 50 metres braking from 110 km/h isn't a sure thing and cars behind me could have hit me if I stopped completely. Thank god for a near miss....

SeeSaw

Babies are soothed by rocking... kids love the fast high swings and see saws.... (actually I still like those swings they just make it too small :D)
Adults love rocking chairs, you can see the elderly portrayed sitting in rocking chairs quite a lot... Also the slower buaian..

adults enjoy them sometimes...

Am wondering. From baby till old rocking is relaxing??

Wakey wakey

Got up late again today. A bit hot at night and I don't like hot. Wake up and read. Or lay in from of the tv with the aircon on for a bit. Would only go to sleep after I feel cold enough huhu.. Not a good habit but the heat gets to me

Grapefruit

Why is it called a grapefruit? It doesn't resemble a grape and it isn't even in the grape family. It's a citrus fruit... curious...

Uhuh again...

Thank god I didn't buy a second hand processor which I don't need. Got to checking my computer properly using a compatible working system. First thing that made me look look aside was the fact that the working processor wasn't working in my system! Hmm.. could be motherboard then... Then my processor works in that system. Ha ha... in the end it's my video card that's dead. Well... thank god no unnecessary things were bought...

Anywyas now I have to find my savings account book. I don't have an ATM card for my savings account coz I actually want to save the money put in there. There's this problem where I haven't banked in anything for 6 months coz been too lazy to go to the bank... Hope there's still enough for me to buy a new mid range card..

So my lil sis has updated her blog. Just when I thought of bugging her... Well hana you still keep yours up to date compared to mine. I just left mine hanging for a few months.

Maybe I'll post regular updates after this. Who knows...

Uhuh

Okay... No updates :D Well took me a few days of no games coz my computer is dead for me to remember that i have a blog. Well wouldn't have much to say when I have my comp anyways. My mind would juggle through thinking about business which I haven't started properly yet, games also what to eat and what to watch. Oh there's something else too that bugs me but I'm trying to take a slow and steady approach to that which means I'm not thinking much about it. Now I've a lot of free time courtesy of my helpful processor that kindly died on me.

It was my mistake actually. Disassembled my heatsink and put it back wrong. Short spring on the right side not left. Found out about the mistake after it died so har har... happy happy joy joy.

Hmm... I've some ideas but I think I'm sleeping too little and too much right now. Too little at night, too much during the day.... Everytime I try to sleep about 11 or 12 I'd wake up about 2 and couldn't get back to sleep till about 6 and then would wake again at 12 noon. If i sleep at 2 I'll wake up about 4 and same thing again... If I sleep at 4 I'll wake up about 11 a.m. I think this is crazy. Why do I keep waking up? Is it too hot? Sleeping in an air-conditioned room didn't help. In fact I woke up feeling extra thirsty. Hmm hmmm... Trying a change of routines... Exercise missing right now so adding that to my dayss......

adios~ trying to sleep again... 12.45 a.m

Ah... the life

Well... nothing beats actually completing something even tho ur a few months over the deadline. Thanks to alllll the people helping (that's you mostly kakak!) and all the people in charge who were kind enough to actually let me over-extend my thesis. Well anyways am submitting for sure tomorrow. Should I laugh or dance? Should I just play russian roulette? Naaaaah that's pure insanity but that's how I feel right now. Purely Insane.

Ah my lil' sis is back from India and the first thing I saw of her was a long face. She had to wait for us instead of the other way round. Oh... that's on top of the whole day delay of her flight. Of course she's upset right. It didn't last tho coz hey 8 months or so is a long time she got bullied by us, her 2 bro's and lil' sis. Umm... I do believe she loves being bullied or is it just that her siblings love to bully her no matter what she thinks.... Hmm... comment on that Hana :D Ah I do believe I'd get some heavy artilerry fire soon....

Well anyways

Hmmm..... am thinking of the neverending story. Been wif my thesis quite some time... Like having a relationship wif a piece of work lak... Aish this is makin me weird... lights are blinkin in my head. Half of them are badd baddd signs and the other half i don't even know. Oh I just did a wonderful thing. 'Wonderful' thing more like it. Wondering wheter I'd smooth things out this time. If no then well.... one year and almost 2 months would be history... Am praying after this coz even tho I x seem to care right now I know it's just because I'm dulled by my thesis and travel-fatigue.

Nyways went to frien's wedding and had quite a bit of fun. As usual I'd reached his place late tho I moved out early. Pit stops and picking up friens or just frien this time. Didn't ask him about the prezzies I got. Just a box of chocs and bedsheet set. Should be okay I guess....

Going to sleep now. Oh... praying first....

Question thingy

01. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
02. Am I lovable?
03. How long have you known me?
04. When and how did we first meet?
05. What was your first impression?
06. Do you still think that way about me now?
07. What do you think my weakness is?
08. Do you think I'll ever get married?
09. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger, weaker, or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your block and see what I say about you?

Busy busy

Fuah.... welll statistics I never liked and now I've been reading about stats for 4 days. I know enought to start so I'm just saving all the extra info on my thumb drive for reference. I'd never know when I'll need it again. Oh yea a case of my thesis being too 'lean'.
Watched first ep of FLCL and god I love it. Great having broadband now I can actually check up on people's recommendations. Used to be I'd just wait 4 my bro to get anything huh... Hmm... FLCL would have to wait coz time I haven't got much now and am prioritizing. Burning it into a DVD tho to watch while I'm having my lecturer read my latest final draft ;) Hope ma loans me her laptop

half jan

Well finsihing a thesis isn't exactly something done quickyly. Completely forgot that I would have to repair my thesis after viva. Anyways now am trying to fill up my thesis with more goodies to make my lecturer happy :P Actually I skipped quite a few things when I tried to chase the deadline so....

Viva!

A date for my viva is set now... 11th January. Right after Raya Haji. Well a good day as any. Anyways I've no idea how I'm supposed to answer the lecturers' questions. Hope my supervisor isn't there. I didn't show him a final draft or anything before submitting my thesis. Heh actually I never even showed him the data I got coz I wasn't happy with what I got. Only made a thesis out of it out of sheer desperation coz I don't have anything else. Good thing my kakak helped edit my thesis. Helped edit is not the word. Helped repair, revive, resuscitate, resurrect my thesis actually. It was dead and would remain dead if not for her. Can't imagine how I would be questioned during my viva if i had submitted the carcass of a thesis that I wrote at first.

Hmm.... Studies wise my life seems to be perking up... The fact that I actually made a thesis IS a big thing for me. I've been trying for 3 years and I don't mean I've been studying for 3 years.... 3 years just to make an undergraduate thesis is ridiculous by any standards. Still I've found new ways to complicate my life and oh I'm loving every moment of it. Umm.... that's sarcasm by the way. I'm very good at making simple things complicated..... Well practice makes perfect and years and years of practice makes it second nature to find complications I guess. When faced with a choice I would choose the slower tougher less rewarding suicidal senseless way. Been trying to break out of this mad cycle. Well... the only good thing I can say of my decision-making habit is this. Whenever I do get a good break I really enjoy it. Once in a few years I'd be really happy and that feels great.

New Year New Year on the wall

Who's the fairest of them all...

Well A new year. A new day. The first year I don't have studies in front of me in a long while. Been here and there. Mostly there. But now I'm sitting down at last. Things seem the same but I feel a difference. Can't quite put my finger on it though. Been waiting for December 2005 but now it's gone I don't know why I waited and for what. There was anticipation but nothing of note happened..... Well... Happy 2006 to all...